i keep forgetting that, luck and fate have been kind to me, and despite my selfish loneliness, i still am lucky. i'm healthy, i'm warm and fed (where do those without a home go when the night freezes alcohol?), clothed and sheltered. i am happy despite my social withdrawal.

i took a walk today downtown to pick up my car from a pool hall i got smashed at last night. great thing about alberta is absinthe, they actually know how to mix the drink, they had an imported bottle which louched, i was extremely impressed, tasted good, got me absolutely wasted and inspired a really drunk conversation with the director of the project i'm working on. i don't remember many of the details of that drunken conversation, but it was all in good spirit(s). dipped into a bottle of transylvanian "vampire" merlot. not bad, it was cheap and a couple of years old, but it was a little too dry for my taste.

edmonton is a beautiful city, but it's decaying from the inside. many big buildings have been leveled to create parking lots, many abandoned houses and homeless people. two days ago it was -25, and the homeless shelters in this city are full. hey ralphie, wake up you fucking moron. human life trumps money.

i was planning on swinging by the west edmonton mall this weekend, but it never happened, not like i have any money to buy anything anyhow, so i'm postponing that til next week. i'm on a sort of staggered week. tuesday to saturday is our work week. plus we're working nights, so although it's actually monday evening, it feels like sunday morning...

i feel struck with that overwhelming helplessness again. i visited my mom's cousin who went through radiation treatment this weekend for cancer in the esophagus from smoking. Shocking, absolutely devastating how horrific and destructive cancer is. She went from long brown hair to shriveled up thin gray hairs in the last two days. She has a tube going directly into her guts to feed and medicate her. she has no fat or muscle left on her body, she's a shell of her former self. this is shocking, and i wish i had the bravery or guts to be able to overcome something so indiscriminately earth shattering.

worked a 75-hour week, not bad, stupid movie but fun crew. i like to enjoy my job, it makes it worth going to. slept for a few hours today, and heading out for a relaxing evening of relaxation and relaxing. you heard me. i'm actually surfing the internet from my car beside an apartment complex. i'm listening to their itunes playlist as we speak...

"oh yoshimi, they don't believe me, but you won't let those robots eat me."

well, i'm out for now, go donate blood, cancer patients benefit from it directly, i myself am becoming a platelet donor for that very reason...

what are you guys up to? i haven't talked to many people in a couple of weeks, i feel my umbilical is fraying.

hey guys, check it out, my buddy David Geiss who edited my final project as well as helped me out on several other projects is premiering his documentary on drag queens on friday, go show your support.

Hello my friends, a long time it feels that i've been away, though i realize it's only been one week. Nevertheless, many hours worked means that I don't have to think about it. This last week we shot at an abandoned school, asbestos and all. The only real thing great about this expedition was the school itself. It still maintains beauty and nostalgia familiar with such an institution. I had an idea for a photo shoot, so I'm hunting out models right now. Considering black and white, but I may start with colour and hard light. Hopefully, I can find something cool to do.

Spent the long weekend (Alberta has family day today) at Davin's in Calgary. Had great opportunity to get out and view the city of calgary a little better than I have. Saw some big buildings, some big houses, and people living in boxes, but it was quite fun. Checked out some pubs, shops, and wandered into a really rich neighbourhood, but I couldn't find that forest Matt was talking about in the middle of the city.

Probably gonna take off back to Edmonton in a few minutes, back to the hostel. I lose internet capabilities in right away, so y'all may once again notice my disappearance from this sub-etherworld. That's okay, I work til Saturday, an exciting week of exploitation and the desecration of the horror/sci-fi/comedy genre.

Anyhow, I'm out for now, peace.

Is this a blog entry? I don't know, decide that later. Today, I am surrounded by four walls. This is an institution. I can assure you that I don't feel the same about this building as I do about other old institutions. For example, the atmosphere is different. It's not ghosts, but tension, nervousness, vulnerability. People here are travellers, many, many people taking great risks by moving to Edmonton, and it is a place for them to get on their feet. For others yet, it is a community to be embraced, to be welcomed into, to let yourself trust people you don't know. A strange adventure indeed. It beats the hell out of a hotel, when it comes down to money.

Edmonton is an older city, older buildiings, crappier traffic. But it is definiately a larger city, I've been approached by drug dealers, we witnessed two grocery store attendants chasing down some guy out of a grocery store.

But all in all, interesting, met a guy from Quebec who has moved here to go to work as a welder, and he's been here for just under two weeks. Oh, and he never spoke a word of english before he came. But we shared interests (in the subjective consciousness of course), and he showed me around the city a little bit. I believe that I could live in abject poverty if need be, I just hope I don't ever have to.

The show is interesting, low budget, high expectations. Lots of work for little gain, and I have no sympathy for this group of people. This show has no artistic merit whatsoever, and whatever sort of business gain it would have will be swallowed up in the realm of exploitation. Unfortunately, I chose this path and I must pursue it, but soak up some of the fringe benefits. For assuredness, I will never make a show like this. I'm not saying I won't use nudity. I think honestly that sex is something that can be approached with artistic curiosity and expression, as any other act of emotion. As well, as the artistic figure exploration, just like figure drawings, photography and film approaches the subject as an exploration in line and contour, shade and highlight, the human form in it's natural state. However, I assure you, when and if I ever fulfill this exploration, it won't be for the strict and sole purposes of appealing to the male libido (hopefully the female libido would be involved as well :) ).

Anyhow, time draws short, hopefully i can post this soon, as right now it's sorta time to work, and i don't yet have internet, but soon, soon, I will get paid, and I will be able to rejoin the world.

Decoys 2

Read the synopsis, priceless...it ain't gonna be no Tideland.

yup, you heard me right, i'm off to edmonton to shoot a low-budget sci-fi alien flick...it's going to be both great and terrible...i don't yet know what it's called, but i either leave tomorrow or sunday, depending on the circumstances that surround my departure. it's a shame it's so cold right now, so i probably won't get to do the same sort of exploration that i was able to do in vancouver, but it WILL be fun. and i'm making money, so i won't have the stress of being unemployed. i will however, intensely be missing katherine, but there's the internet and it will at least shorten the gap a little.

the bad news, i'm gone for nearly a month, and that will push back our shooting the mauricio's film a couple of weeks, but hopefully, they'll push it and i'll still get to participate, otherwise, i'll have to let it go, and i will be extremely disappointed...

beyond that, i'm spending the evening with my lovely darling, and then tomorrow (likely), i will depart.

EDIT: yes, i'm here til sunday, so we gotta whoop-up friday night

well, i think i've decided to open up my art and work related blog to the public, and keep this one as my personal blog for news, thoughts, and politics. another consequence of having loads of time is the improvement of my blog. but i'm still too lazy, so instead of making my own banners instead of links, you guys can, this is not a contest, but if you're bored, you should send me a banner roughly the size of the ones at the bottom of my sidebar. if i like it and i feel ambitious, then i'll put it up, otherwise, i won't, and maybe i will eventually make one of my own...

anyhow, i'd like to announce my involvement with a new short film, i will be the DP on a short dramatic/comedy called The Last Laugh. Directed by fellow Fourth Cinema founder Helder Mauricio Carvajal, and his coworker Peter Brass, we will shoot over two days, Feb. 24, 25. Once again we shall shoot in HDV, which, though better quality than miniDV, is still a half-step down from shooting uncompressed HiDefinition. it will be fun, again, this time i get to further expand my abstract artistic expression due to the setting and such of the film. whatever happened to the other film i was working on you say? it is still being edited, we completed a cut to submit to the NSI 5 minute Amateur Movie festival, but it was not a finished copy, one could call it a fine cut, but not the final cut. when it's finished, i'll post it, fear not.

congrats to nathan, who won Weyburn's People's Choice Award for a portrait drawing he did of Ed Conrad, one of the most charasmatic 95+ year-olds i know. first time i met the guy, he was on the Binns' roof repairing something or other. also one of the scariest people to drive with, but a bang-up guy all round, hopefully i'm that spry when i'm that age. hopefully nathan will scan a copy into the net, if not, at least a picture of the drawing, though i imagine it'll probably be on display somewhere in weyburn.

Alex Roy showed up at my house saturday nite, which came as a pleasant surprise. Alex has been in China for the last several years teaching english, and it was great to reconnect with such an intelligent individual. i had opportunity to meet his lovely girlfriend Veronica, and though it was a compressed visit, i enjoyed myself a great deal, hopefully someday i'll be able to return the favour and visit him in China. one can always dream.

research for a documentary proposal is coming along, i have a long list of names and centres i'd like to phone, as well as an access application for some stats canada data (fucking beaurocracy {sp}). the documentary is going to be about substance abuse and addictions in saskatchewan, as well as the infrastructure (or lack thereof) set up to cope with it. the data's not good, and though i'd hope to find at least the right path for correction of this, i'm still just a young filmmaker, what the fuck do i know? anyhow, long drawn out post, i swear i'll upload some new pics for you to gaze at, but soon.